Leading to low -self-esteem and an inability to express one’s self.
When a person is told that their ideas, desires and thoughts are wrong, stupid or not worth considering, that person can feel invalidated, i.e. they can feel unheard and discounted.
When a person finds that all their thoughts are always judged to be silly or not worth consideration, they can be said to be experiencing chronic, or long-term invalidation.
A growing child must of course defer to their parents better judgement, but there should be some areas of their lives that they can feel in control of. As a child grows, they naturally wish to express themselves, and decide things for themselves; they may have opinions on what they wear, what haircut they get, where they go and what they spend their time on.
As a child grows they will develop political, religious, philosophical, and practical opinions of their own, and now we are really discussing a young person, rather than a child.
If a young person is heavily criticised for having differing opinions to those of their parents / guardians, they can feel that they have had their rights to free thought removed, they may find that nothing they do or say garners favourable attention, they can be left feeling confused and unappreciated, even unloved, for who they are.
Linehan (1993a) investigates ‘invalidating environments’ and relates them to self injury:
“An invalidating environment is one in which communication of private experiences is met by erratic, inappropriate, or extreme responses. In other words, the expression of private experiences is not validated; instead it is often punished and/or trivialized. The experience of painful emotions disregarded. The individual’s interpretations of her own behavior, including the experience of the intents and motivations of the behavior, are dismissed…”
Abusive language is abuse
If a young person expresses their opinion, or personality (through clothes etc.) and is subsequently ‘shot down’ and belittled by their loving parents, it can lead to an identity crisis, they may wonder ‘who am I to have these thoughts that cause such anger in my parents?’.
Examples of daily invalidation:
Loss of external self-expression can lead to internal self-expression, and self-injury
If a person’s self expression is inhibited, or even forbidden, then it may lead to such a crisis that they turn inwards, only expressing themselves internally, and this might manifest as self harm.
Self harm can be seen as ‘communication to one’s self’; a person who self harms may feel that the only way to have a voice, is to keep it silent and private, to express their feelings directly on their own body.
If there is no one who will listen to the emotional outbursts of a frustrated and distressed person, they may turn to self harm as a form of emotional expression. By creating physical harm to themselves, they seek relief from the emotional distress# that they are forbidden to express publicly.
“One factor common to most people who self-injure, whether they were abused or not, is invalidation. They were taught at an early age that their interpretations of and feelings about the things around them were bad and wrong. They learned that certain feelings weren’t allowed. In abusive homes, they may have been severely punished for expressing certain thoughts and feelings.”
Physical pain can seem easier to deal with than the emotional pain that is trapped inside an invalidated person, and it detracts from the emotional distress therefore offering some kind of temporary relief.
Chronic invalidation is not only experienced by young people, it can effect people of any age, in situations where a person in power, or a group of people, continuously discount and ignore a person. This sort of passive bullying can often be seen in the work place*.